Please forgive me
by jehkovac
Summary: Well it's Luby story..it takes place at season 14 after Abby tells Luka the'Morreti disaster'... Things will be different...
1. Chapter 1

Well this fict will be kind of different….The Death will tell the story….

It's a luby story. Takes place on Season 14 after Abby tells Luka about Morreti. Things will happen differently.

Sorry for any mistake that may happen, English isn't my first language.

Enjoy

**-------------------------------**

**Please forgive me**

"**What would she do if he left and she continued to dream He was still right there…then, on one lonely night, when she thought she was only dreaming again he came back home…"**

What's this warm feeling on my chest? A feeling? How is it possible? What's this noise? Is it a heart beat? How can it be? How can a heart that have been frozen it entire existence start beating now??

What's this feeling? Is it love?

Oh love, powerful love, an emotion that never bothered me before, not until I met them.

Cook Country General Hospital a place where I always have a job to do and it was there that I saw her again, what I thought would be the last time. She was trying to save a man, but I knew she wouldn't accomplish. I put my hands on his body and took his soul with me. His soul stayed by my side while we saw her working on him. After 30 minutes she was still there giving his body drugs and shocking him. The others doctors and nurses in the room tried to tell her it was over, that he was dead. Indeed he was. However she wouldn't listen to them, she wouldn't stop working on him, and she wouldn't give up. Her eyes never leaving the body she continued doing compressions on his chest. I gave him a last task before we leave. I told him to put his hands on her shoulder. He did it and she stopped the compressions.

"Time of death 9:36 p.m.."

She took out her gloves and tosses them on the trash before leaving the room. She couldn't stay there anymore. She had to clear her mind. She rushed in the directions of the stairs; she was going to the roof of the hospital, that's when I remembered that I've seen she doing it before.

She was eleven years old. She was on the roof, tears going down her face. The sound of the machines still lingering on her mind. Her mother had tried it again. She had taken many pills; she tried to kill herself once more. Little Abby knew it was because of the disease, but she couldn't stand doing it every time, running to find help with her crying brother on her arms, it was too much.

She was still in the roof looking down at the city when the doctor found her.

"Hey…" He put a hand on her shoulders what make her look at him. He saw her tears and brushed them out of her face. "Your mother is stable now. We are taking her to the room; she's going to be okay." She nodded and turned her head forward again. "Your brother is sleeping on the longue, the nurse is with him don't worry. Come on, I'll take you to see your mom."

They walked back to the hospital. In her eyes you could see relief, but you could see hurt too. She hated not being able to help, she hated feeling useless and tonight, so many years later, she felt like this again.

Now she was at the roof again. The image of the man on the gurney and his last words going on and on in her mind.

'Tell my wife that I'm sorry, that I love her.' And she had replied.

'No, I'm going to help you and you tell her yourself.'

She had promised she would help him and now he was ….

The rain started to pour but she didn't care, she just had to be alone for a while. There was to much happening these last few days.

"You're going to get a cold." She heard someone say behind her. She knew it was Luka, but she didn't dare to turn around. She was afraid of what he was going to say. "I know Joe is still little but I have to do this." He paused waiting for a reply that didn't come. "I'll leave tomorrow afternoon. I'll drop him off at your home in the morning." He was almost at the door when she spoke.

"Luka…" She turned to look at him. Tears were going down her check. She was losing him and it was all her fault. "Please, don't go. I…I understand you can't forgive me, but it's too dangerous there." He was still with his back turned to her. "I'll do whatever you want, you need…but I don't want to see you hurt."

"I'm already hurt…" He whispered and continued his way to the doors. He felt his eyes getting wet, his heart was aching. It was hard to leave her, but it was too difficult to forgive her. When she told him what happened it was like something died inside him. He was taking care of his dying father, for go sacks, how could she be so selfish?

"Luka, please…" He could still hear her saying before closing the door. He closed his eyes for some minutes to stop the tears of going down. He loved her. He still loved her, but every time he thought things were going back to normal, every time he would kiss her or touch her, images of her and Morreti would appear on his mind. He hated feelings this way, like he couldn't trust her, he hated feeling jealous. He hated not being able to forgive her.


	2. Chapter 2

After what seemed like hours, Abby went back to the E.R. to grab her things and go home. I knew what was going to happen now. I knew what I had to do, so I went after her.

She was crossing the street and I saw the car coming even before it turns in the street. The thoughts of Luka in her mind keeping her distract enough to not see it coming. The last thing she heard was the sound of the wheels on the asphalt before she got hit.

I kneeled in front of her body, it was time. I was going to take her soul when she grabbed my cold hand with her bloody one. Her touch warmed my entire body, that's when I heard it. It was something I never felt before; I didn't know what it was.

"Luka, you're here." She said looking at me. "I'm sorry for everything…I love you so much…I'm really sorry..." She was losing conscious and her hand left mine, but the feeling of warmth continued.

I never really understood feelings, after all I'm the Death and I'm not supposed to feel anything. Not pain, not joy, not happiness, not love. However, this moment I felt something. I felt her pain, I felt her love…

I don't know how long I stayed there just appreciating the feeling, but when I came back to reality the paramedics were taking her to the hospital. I did the only thing I could, I followed her.

"Female. Around 30 years old, hit by a car…PA …."

"OMG. Abby, open your eyes. Let's take her to trauma 2" Pratt pushed the gurney through the E.R.

"Oh God, Abby??"

"Morris, I need your help here. Frank, call Kovac."

"Heart rates dropping…" Halleh announced after hooking Abby to the monitor. "I have no pulse."

"Damn! I need the intubation tray. Morris, start compressions. Halleh, call Dubenko she must be bleeding internally." Greg tried to get the tube down her throat while doctor Morris did chest compressions. "Stop a second Morris. I'm in. Charge the paddles 200. Clear!" Nothing changed. "Charge 300. Clear!"

Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Pring pring

"Kovac." Luka runs to answer the phone so it doesn't wake Joe.

"Dr. Kovac, it's Frank." He silence for a moment. He liked Abby, and the thought of losing her was making even more difficult to talk. "You should come to the hospital."

"What happened Frank? I don't work there anymore."

"Abby suffered an accident." Luka couldn't listen anymore, he run upstairs to take Joe and go to the hospital. Although they were apart and he was leaving for while, the perspective of never seeing her again was unbearable. He couldn't loose her. No, he just couldn't. No

"No change." Halleh said feeling her heart get smaller. It was her friend on the table.

"Charge 360. Clear!" This time her heart started beating again.

"Okay, I'm taking her to the O.R. now." Dubenko starts to pull Abby's gurney through the doors.

Luka enter through the E.R. doors. Chunny seeing him go there and gets Joe of his arms.

"She's going to the O.R., Luka." Luka thanks her and goes in the direction of the lifts.

What would happen now, I don't know. For the first time in my entire existence, I don't know. What was I going to do?

My job is come in here and let they rest. Death isn't restrict for old or young, rich or poor, female or male…death is something no one can run away from. I'm the Death. My mission, job, obligation, curse, call it whatever you want, but is something no human can do. If you can feel love, anger, for instance… you are no qualified to this, because if you feel everything changes. The whole situation change.

I became for one second what I wasn't suppose to be. I became a human the second she touched my hand and warmed my heart. I felt love, I felt loved. What was going to happen now was in my hands. Should I listen to the darkness of my existence or should I listen to the beats of my heart?


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for the delay, but I was traveling.

Well I hope you are enjoying this weird story of mine.

This Chapter is a little short, but I hope you like!

Reviews are always welcome!!!!

"No change." Halleh said feeling her heart get smaller. It was her friend on the table.

"Charge 360. Clear!" This time her heart started beating again.

"Okay, I'm taking her to the O.R. now." Dubenko starts to pull Abby's gurney through the doors.

Luka enter through the E.R. doors. Chunny seeing him go there and gets Joe of his arms.

"She's going to the O.R., Luka." Luka thanks her and goes in the direction of the lifts. He press and press the button like his life depended on this.

His heart beat faster at each step he made up the stairs. He was running up to the O.R., he had to see her, he had to tell her he loved her. The sorrow in his eyes was evident. The same sorrow I saw so many years ago.

_He was running up the stairs in his destroyed building, passing through hurt neighbors, but nothing mattered, only his family. He had been out just to buy some bread when he heard the explosion. His building had been hit by a bomb. Goosebumps, It was what he felt when he saw it was his building. His family was there._

_Passing through flames and rocks he got in his apartment._

"_Danijela! Danijela!" He shouts while going inside. When he finally entered the room he saw his son dead under his crib. _

_I was already there. _

"_Lukaa.." He heard the low moan of his wife and went to her side. "Marko? Jasna?" She asked about the safety of their children not really caring about the amount of blood going out her body. He told her to put her hand on her wound, where a metal was stuck, and press, he would look for his little girl. He found her and took her in his arms to carry her to her mother's side. _

_I had her already. _

_He started CPR on his daughter's lifeless body. He tried to make his wife stay wake while he breathed for his daughter and asked for help. He prayed to someone help him, but no one came. I got his wife with me. _

I don't know why I had to take them. I really don't. Death is a mystery even for me. I know where and when it will happen, but not why.

This time when he got to his loved one it wouldn't be too late. I couldn't take her, at least not now. I would give them another chance. The chance to love each other once more.

My heart was beating thanks to her feeling, to her love for him. She would have a chance to live once again, like I was having a chance to live, to feel.

Like a human.

I knew it was probably a mistake, but, after all, all humans make mistakes, right?


	4. Chapter 4

Here I'm after a long time…I know and I'm truly sorry!!

I trying to enter in the medicine school..so I've been studying a lot to do the vestibular!

Well…I hope you enjoy this chapter!!!

"Luka, why did you leave us?? We needed you."

"I loved you, but you left me, why?"

"You have one week!"

Luka sit ups breathing fast on the bed. It was a nightmare, just a nightmare.

In the dream Danijela blamed him because of their death and so did Abby. He couldn't stop thinking about her. He wasn't there when she needed him. She was in a very persistent coma –it's been 3 weeks since the accident - and every specialist told him she wouldn't wake up, but he couldn't let them turn the machines off, he just couldn't. But the weirdest thing about the dream wasn't the blame, because somehow he blamed himself, there was this guy on the dream, an elderly. He was wearing a jeans and a big black jacket. His eyes were blues, like two ice stones which was a perfect match to his short white hair. He looked directly to Luka's eyes and said: 'you have one week.'

What did it mean Luka didn't know.

It's was 8 o'clock, so Luka decide to get up and go to work. Neela was taking care of Joe today, so there was no problem on going earlier, this way he would be able to stay a little bit with Abby before his shift. He takes a shower and goes to the kitchen to prepare a coffee. Luka was drinking his coffee when he hears someone screaming.

"AAAAHHHH" Scared Luka yells in the same time as the woman. "Who are you? What are you doing in my apartment? There's nothing to steal here." The woman says fast walking back afraid of the man in front of her.

Luka didn't move, didn't speak, he didn't know how to react. Abby was in front o him. How could she be? She was in a coma. Luka passes his hand over his face like wanting to wake up. 'It's just a dream.' Luka says to himself, but when he looks forward again, the scared Abby was still there looking at him.

"What do you want? Money? I can give you all I have, but please just leave." Luka couldn't believe it's her, and shakes his head while saying:

"I can't believe I'm hallucinating, I should of have accepted that medicine to sleep better that Pratt suggested."

"Did you run away from some psychological facility? I can help you. I'm doctor, you know. I have the impression I know you, I just don't remember of where." Abby says going in his direction slowly.

"You got to be kidding me! My hallucinating is calling me crazy. Maybe I'm getting crazy." Luka looks at Abby and continues. "You know Abby, I'm going to work now." He turns around to get his key and leave.

He gets in the hospital and goes directly to her room. When he got there, he could see Dubenko talking to some nurse in the door of her room.

"Dubenko, what happened?"

"Calm down Luka. I was just checking her vitals. There is no change on her state." Dubenko says sighing. "Luka, I need to talk to you about something. Please come with me." Luka looks at Abby and goes in her direction getting her hand on his.

"I`ll be right back, babe. I`ll be right back." He kisses her hand and her forehead before leaving with the doctor.

They walked together in the direction of the lounge. Luka kept looking Dubenko`s expression; it was a sad one. This mysterious silence that Lucian kept while they walked, scared Luka. Something was wrong and Luka could sense it. When they got in the room there was other two people there.

"Luka, it`s nice to see you again." Maggie said smiling weakly to him.

"Maggie, Erick…hi." Luka didn't know what else to say. They had stayed here that first week with Abby, but then Maggie said she couldn't bear seeing her daughter like that, so she stopped taking her medicine and left. Erick stayed a little bit more, but then he went after his mother.

"Luka, I'm taking my pills again." Maggie said taking luka's hand and making him sit in front of her. Dubenko sat beside Luka, because he knew he would need to intervene. "This time that I've been way, I started to think about the life me, her and Erick had...and I realized that I always made things my way, never letting her decide anything." She stops and looks directly to Luka's eyes trying to find there the strength she needs to finish what she was saying. He was confused. Why was she telling him that? Luka's eyes travelled from her to Erick, but he set his look on the floor, like it was the most interesting thing ever.

"Okay, but why are you telling me this?"

"I don't want to do this for her anymore. I know she would like to make her own decision; she already did indeed. So…"

"Decision, what are you talking about?" He stared confused to both of them, but no answer came. Maggie buried her face in her hands and started to cry while Erick hugged her with his own tears. Dubenko seeing they weren't going to finish it, started to talk.

"When you apply to work here, you've got to fill a form." Luka nodded, but then he freezes in his sit and look frighten to Dubenko.

"Don't tell me that she…"

"I'm sorry, but she said no machines. She let it clear that if she got in a vegetative state, she wouldn't want to be hold in life with machines. Because we know Abby and we know you, we waited till this late to decide." Dubenko stops and put a hand on Luka's shoulders. "Maggie and Erick were the ones on her list of who would sign the papers to turn it off and now that these papers are signed we are going to…"

"No. no no no nooooo!" Luka stand up shaking his head in disbelief. "You can't just give up on her. You don't have this right Maggie, you don't…"

"It's what she wants. Do you think I wanted that? NO, I didn't but it's her decision. It's…"

"I'm not letting you do it." Luka stand up and leave the room and go in the direction of her's. Erick goes after him and takes a hold of his arm.

"Stop! She made her decision. She didn't want this kind of life. She doesn't want it. Try to understand that!" He looked at Erick and saw the sorrow in his eyes. He started to think about what he said, but the thought of losing her forever, losing another wife, hurt so much. He felt like he was being stabbed on the heart.

"What do you know about her? You weren't here all these years. You weren't here when it happened! You don't have the right to do it!"

"Were you here when it happened? Were you here to protect her? I don't think so!" The knife slipped further on his chest not letting he breath. It felt like dying. "I kept in touch with her all these years. She told what happened. Told me you left home. Also, she told me you were leaving them here to go to Africa." Luka couldn't take it and looked away. "She cried all night. She said it was very dangerous there. She was afraid you would die and it would be her fault, because she screwed everything up. Hey look at me!" He made Luka's face turn in his direction and saw the tears going down.

"It's all my fault. It's my entire fault. When she told me what happened made me so angry and hurt that I had to go away for some time. Get my head clear. I would change places with her if I could, but I can't and that kills me. I would do anything for her."

"I would change places with her if I could too, but we can't. The only thing we can really do for her is let her rest." He stared Luka right in the eyes and put a hand on his shoulder. They could see the same sorrow on each other eyes and they understood how important she was for both of them. "Please, don't make it any harder."

"Okay, but I'm not ready yet." Luka breathed deeply and cleaned the tears on his check. "Give me one more week, please. I set with a neurologist that treated a doctor here long time ago to take a look at her state. He'll be here in six day from today. If he says she will not wake up we turn the machines off." Erick looked uncertain to him. "Please, I'm just asking for one week. That's all."

He sighed.

"Okay I'll talk to my mom and Dubenko."

Erick left and Luka continued his way to her room. He entered in her room and sat on a chair on her side. Tears wouldn't stop going down his face while he caress her hand and put his head on her arm.

"Please, you've got to wake up. Joe needs you. I need you, Abby. Please my love, don't let me alone."

Sorry for any mistakes, my grammar isn't very good yet! I hope you have enjoyed!!! I'll try to update fast!!!


	5. Chapter 5

Happy New year!!! Here`s a little bit more!!

Enjoy it

After everything was settled with Maggie and Erick, Luka went to the nursing home he now worked. He was walking back home with a sleepy Joe in his arms when he bumped into someone dropping his bag.

"I'm sorry. Are you okay?" Luka asks helping the guy stand up.

"I'm fine. I knew we would met today, I just didn't know I would fall in the floor!" The man get Luka`s hand on his and shakes while talking. "I'm Thaed, nice to meet you Luka and Joseph Kovac."

"How do you know our name? Do we know each other?" Luka had the impression he knew this guy, he just couldn't remember of where. He was kind of old with white hair and blue eyes. His hand was cold against Luka`s. He didn't know what, but something about this guy made Luka shiver. Luka felt some darkness surrounding this guy; being near him gave Luka a bad feeling, like he would do something to hurt him, but at the same time, he felt like this mysterious guy would help him.

"I'm sorry, but I have to take my son home." Luka started walking away from this guy. He was freaking him out.

"Yeah of course. I just wanted to let you know that you'll see her again tonight. In fact your journey and hers start tonight. Abby is not dead yet. It's a second chance to make you two work. So don't give up." Goosebumps run through Luka spine and he froze in place. His heart started beating fast on his chest. How did he know about Abby or about his hallucination?

"How…" He was gone. Vanished in the chilled air of Chicago. Luka stared at the empty space the guy occupied a few seconds ago while his last words kept in his head.

…_not dead….a second chance ….don't give up…._

After Joe was asleep on his crib, Luka went to take a quickly shower and lie down. In bed his thoughts were all turned to Thaed, or whatever his name was, and his words. A tear went down his face thinking of Abby.

_Oh Abby…._

"you're here again. Laying down on my bed, how audacious." He turned and there She was; Abby, his Abby.

"I'm hallucinating again…" But then the elderly words came to his mind.

"How dare you call me hallucination? I'm calling the cops." She went out the room and Luka went after her. She picked the phone up and looked at him. "Don't come any closer or I'll really call the police. It's better if you leave now."

"Don't take me wrong, but you need the phone to call anyone." She looked at her hand and the phone wasn't there. She tried again to take the phone, but saw her hand passing through it.

"What did you do with my…. I'll try the one in the kitchen." She started to walk again with him following her. Newly her hand passed through, disabling her to get it. "What the hell?!"

"Abby…" Luka started.

"How do you know my name? How did you get here anyway?" Her look was a frightened one.

"First you should know that you are not here. You are part of my imagination or something like this. Second we are married and you've been in a coma for the past 3 weeks. We used to live here, don't you remember."

She looks confused to him. _what was he talking about…she wasn't in a coma, she was there right in front of him. She was doctor Abby… why couldn't she remember her last name? She realized that second that her name and profession were the only two things she knew about herself._

" This doesn't make any sense. I'm right here. I can feel my feet on the ground. I can feel the wind coming from that window, and I swear I felt that phone in my hand." She started to walk of one side to another, passing her hands through her hair nervously. "I can't remember anything about me beside my first name and my profession."

"Well your name is Abigail Kovac. We are married with a son named Joseph. Look at this picture." Luka get the photo and shows her pulling a chair and sitting in front of Abby's phantom. Abby looks at it like analyzing a jewelry. "I can't believe I'm seeing you. I met a guy today he said that you were not dead. He said I would see you again tonight. He said I should not give up." Luka started laughing. For the first time in weeks he smiled. He felt happy for being in her presence again, even if she didn't remember him. "He said it's a second chance."

Abby was still looking at the picture with a mix of feelings passing in her body.

"I have a son?? Is he here?" Luka nodded and went in direction of Joe's room followed by Abby.

He walks in Joe's direction and caresses his son hair. Abby enter in the room and see the little boy in the crib. Her beautiful son. Her eyes lighted up and her heart started beating fast.

"Joe, my son." The moment the word son got out of her mouth she felt a warmth in her heart, in all her being. In a feel seconds memories started to fill her head. "I remember the day he was born. There was a shooting and I had to do an emergency c-section. He came early and wasn't very well. I remember feeling scared like never before on my entire life." Abby goes in the direction of his crib and kneels in front of it, looking intensely to her little baby.

"Yeah, that's it." Luka's eyes filled with tears. She was remembering. "What else did you remember?" Luka was feeling anxious.

"Just that. It's like photographs appeared on my mind. Me holding him, he on the incubator… I felt like someone was by my side, but I couldn't see who."

"It was me. We were together through all Joe's birth." Luka's tries to put his hand on her shoulder but it passes through. He looks at his hand and I feeling of loss invades him.

"Why can't I remember you? Why can't I remember almost anything about me.?" Abby asks trying to caress Joe's head. "I can't even touch my son." Tears started to run down her face. Luka wanted to clean her tears, but he knew he couldn't. He wanted to take her pain away, to hold her tight and never let her go.

"I don't know. Tomorrow I'll visit you, or your body, I don't know, then we go together. We'll figure something out. It's a second chance, I know it."

"I remember singing to him… _and if I go there will be trouble… and if I stay will be double…so come on and let me go…should I stay or should I go…"_

He continued watching her singe to their son. He felt happy for the first time in a long time. She was here, singing for their son, and he could swear that her voice had never being so beautiful and angelical. Hearing her voice that moment was like being on the clouds. Clouds that lift him to the blue sky and swing him till he is asleep. For the first in a long time.


	6. Chapter 6

I know its been a long time, but I wanted to be on vacations before continuing this. Now that I'm, I`ll finish it! I hope who is reading enjoys another chapter.

=)

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The sun passed through the window and filled the room with it brightness. Luka opened his eyes slowly trying to get used to it. He saw those blue eyes looking at him. His son, Joseph, was looking at him just waiting for his father to pick him up.

"How grown up you are Joe waiting for dad to wake up." Luka picks his son up and start talking to him in Croatian while going into the kitchen.

"What language is that?"

"Jesus!" Luka looks at the direction of the voice and sees Abby standing there looking at him. "Abby? I thought it had been a dream." Luka smiles and puts Joe's on his chair to get his food. "It's Croatian."

"Does he know Croatian too?"

"No, not yet, but he will. I tried to teach you once, but you got only some words. Specially while we made…" Luka started to blush and so did Abby when she understood what he meant. Suddenly a memory invades her mind and a feeling of love invades her.

"_would you like to…" He kissed me. After weeks of sexual tension he kissed me and I couldn't be more happy. A second later I passed to his lap and we continued to kiss like crazy. I loved the taste of his lips on mine, and the moment he started to direct the kiss to my neck and whisper words in Croatian into my ear, it made me fell more hungry to have him. I never felt this happy and in love. _

"_Volim te moja_ _ljubay!"_

"So did you sleep well?" Abby gets up facing the window trying to hide her now very red checks. She could feel her heart beating fast on her chest. It was love that she felt, love for this unknown man to her.

"Oh yeah, It's been a while since the last time I slept this well." He finishes giving Joe's food and puts Joe on his playpen with his frog. "I'm going to take a bath or I'll be late for work." He gets in the master room and Abby's will was to go after him and taste that kiss that she just dreamed about. She wanted to feel complete again, like she felt when they kissed.

County General Hospital

"Let's go through the ER and see if you recognize anyone." Luka said walking into the ambulance bay. While walking her mind starts to fill with images. _"What do we have in here" "Abby, I need your help in here." "Okay let's take him to trauma one""Abby, get the intubation tray for me."_"I remember working here. Was I a nurse:" Abby asks getting closer to Luka. "Yeah, for a while, then you went back to medicine school and become a doctor.""Hi Dr. Kovac, who were you talking to?" Morris comes near Luka seeing him walking inside.

"I was just telling Joe that we are going up to see mommy." Luka looks at Abby and sees the disappointment in her eyes, the other man couldn't see her.

"I let some flowers to her. I'm sorry, I heard they are going to turn the machines off."

"No, not yet. I…I know she will wake up before it. She's a tough one Morris, we can't give up on her." Luka felt a tear going down his face and walked away in the direction of the lifts.

Morris wanted to believe in Luka, but every test showed that she wouldn't wake up. He loved her, even when she would threat throwing the stapler on him. Archibald Morris would even dare to say that she was his best friend. When he needed a shoulder the time his dad died, she was there and comforted him. It was hard to see her on that hospital bed; no smile, no sarcastic comment. He would go to her room and tell her about his day, about the patients hoping for some signal that she was still there just waiting for the right time to wake up.

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"Hi Luka." As soon as he got out of the elevator Dubenko went to talk to him.

"Is there something wrong, Lucian?"

"No, I just wanted to tell you that David Kollwitz called and said that he would be able to come here earlier." Lucian gives a little smile.

"How earlier?"

"2 days from now." Luka frowns. It's too soon. "Luka, I really hope that I'm wrong this time, but I don't think he will give a different prognostic. I love Abby and I hate not being able to help her." Luka looks at Dubenko e put his hand on Lucian shoulders.

"I just need more time. Maybe she just needs more time to heal." He smiles sadly and starts walking again. Luka look at his side, but Abby wasn't there anymore. He sees her going in direction of her body's room, she looked like an angel floating in front of his eyes.

"Abby?"

"Oh my god, that's me." She looks her body up and down without believing. How could this have happened? "What are we going to do?" Abby looks at Luka and see the love in his eyes.

"I don't really know. Why don't you try to get back in your body?" Abby nod and lie on her body. For a second Luka thought it had worked, that body and soul were together again, but then her ghost hand passed trough it.

"This isn't working… It's like I'm not connected to it anymore." Abby get up beating her lower lip and Luka remembers all the times she did it nervously.

"I have one idea, close your eyes." She was going to argue, but she sees the kindness in his eyes. With her eyes closed she waits for something to happen, until she feels something. Something was touching her lips. The feeling she dreamed about filled her; A feeling of love, of being complete. When the sensation was gone she open her eyes and sees Luka backing off her body and trying to adjust Joe on his arms and not wake him. "Did you feel that?" He asks looking at her.

"Yeah." She says almost out of air, feeling her heart beat fast on her chest.

How could a simple kiss from a 'strange' make her feel this secure, this fulfilled.

"That means you and your body are still connected." He smiles and so does she. The problem wasn't solved yet, but this gave then hope.

"Mommy." Joe wakes and put his arms to his mother's body on the bed.

"Yeah that's mommy." Luka puts his little baby on the bed beside his mother. "Mommy is sleeping." Joe put his hand on Abby's saying.

"Wake mommy." Abby's eyes started to fill with tears and so does Luka's. Their son start to cry and Luka picks him up, talking to him in Croatian trying to make him stop crying. He looks at Abby and sees her looking down, trying to hide her tears.

"Don't cry Abby, please, we are going to solve this." She looks up at him and the hurt on her face breaks Luka's heart in pieces. In a impulse luka tries to clean her tears, but his hands passes through her. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry, I think I'm going to have to get used to it anyway." She cleans her own tears and laugh sadly.

"Don't say that. We'll figure something out." He smiles trying to pass to her some confidence, even if he was as afraid as her. "I have to go to work, do you want me to take you home before I go?"

"I think I want to stay here, with my body. I have to think this up."

Luka got her hand on his bringing it to his lips kissing it softly before leaving the room hiding his own tears.


	7. Chapter 7

What must she wait for life? Be a transparent soul walking beyond the living and watching life go by? Watch herself in a hospital bed lifeless while her son grow without its mother until her husband move on? Luka, how could she feel her heart skip a beat when thinking about him? Or when remembering the feeling of his lips on hers feel the hair behind her neck stand up? How could she love this almost unknown man to her? She didn't remember her life before the coma, just pieces of it. She felt like a complete stranger while looking down at her body, Who was she? How was her life?

She tried hard to remember. Even if it was bad, even remember her darkest moments. She wanted to end this silent in her mind. When searching for a familiar sound, a moment, it felt like walking into a cave. The further she went the darkest it would get. And in this deep cave she would find nothing, only silence and darkness.

She couldn't remember anything , but somehow this endless search in her head made the feeling she felt for these strangers have a meaning. It was hope. She felt connected to them, not because she shared a life with them, but because in her heart she felt them, even if they were not in her memory anymore, even if she wasn't there anymore.

The sound of the door opening took her out of her thoughts. A women entered the room. She was in front of Abby, but she only saw past her, through her. Why was he the only one that could see her? She kept asking herself that, but I knew it was not my duty to answer, she had to find out on her own.

The woman walked to a chair beside the bed and sat there staring at Abby's body. She felt that so familiar feeling, but couldn't really recognize it. She stared at this woman trying to discover who she was, from where she knew her.

And the situation stayed like this for some minutes. The only sounds in the room were the beeps of the monitors and their breathing sound.

A tear went down the strangers face and between sobs she started her monologue.

"Oh Abby, I wish I was in your place. A mother should never see her child go before her."

The realization that she was her mother hit Abby hard. Suddenly she wasn't in that room anymore; _She was in a store running in the direction of her mother smiling._

"_Mommy, can you buy me an ice cream?" Maggie looked down to her little girl and smiling answered:_

"_Of course sweet. Eddie can you get Abby an ice cream."_

"_My little Abigail wants some ice cream, huh?" Eddie picked her up tickling her._

"_HAHAHA. Stop daddy, stop it!" _

"_Daddy don't go, where is daddy going?"_

"_We don't need him. That prick."_

"_I didn't choose to be sick."_

'"_You never tried to get better."_

"_I can't make things different."_

"_That's right, you can't. So now just go home."_

"_Something happened in that ICU room, I realized… I don't wanna die… and more than that, I don't want my little girl watch me die, I can't do that to you not ever. That's what I wanted to tell you today."_

"Abby! You have a lot of great qualities, but optimism is not one of them."**"**Whose fault is that?""Yeah. Alright. I did not create a good environment for a child to grow up believing things would work out. But you're not a child any longer. You're the mother now. And that baby down there needs you to believe he's going to be okay."

"I'm trying! I am really, really trying! I'm trying!"

"_You don't have to go today, you know."_

"_You'll be fine."_

"_Mom…"_

"_I love you."_

Memories started to fill her mind and she felt dizzy for a second. Her mother was in front of her, holding her hand and crying. She felt her heart ache. For the good and bad moments she was her mother and seeing her there crying hurt.

"I know I wasn't the best mother, but I love you sweet. I love more than anything."

I love you too mom. How much she wanted to say these words one more time to her. They had been through so much their entire life, but they always loved each other.

Everything they overcame lead them to this life, to who they were, for good or bad. And this love they shared was stronger than anything, even if they denied.

"Listen I talked to doctor Dubenko and he said what you wanted, if in this situation." Her cries got harder, but she breathed deeply so she could continue. "I don't agr..agree with your decision, but being you last request… I…I…will do it. Luka was against, but after a while he accepted. We are all so sad, but we are going to let you rest in piece." She continued to cry hard.

"Wait, what do you mean let me rest? I'm here mom. Are you going to turn off the machines? You can't do that Maggie, you can't. I don't want it, I want to live. I…" I felt sorry for her. Watching her try to talk to her mother, but she couldn't hear or see it.

I didn't follow her going out of the room, she need to think a little. I would meet her later, when the time comes. She would know me eventually, we would go to a ride without coming back. Why didn't I take her already? Because her feelings were still warming my heart. Seeing through her eyes and feeling through her heart made feel like a human. The love she felt for that man made something that was asleep inside of me wake. And that beat I could still hear, made me deaf to the sound of my darkness.


	8. Chapter 8

She walked out the room with no direction to go. She just kept thinking about the situation she was on. What would she do? They were going to turn the machines off. There was no escape. She was thinking about not coming home. What would she bring home? False hope? Make Luka suffer even more? And did he know?

She didn't understand these feelings for them. What did she know about them? About their life? They were strange to her. She remembered some things, but it wasn't enough. They were still a mystery to her. Maybe she wasn't even here. Maybe she was just part of Luka's imagination. But how come she could feel the wind on her face; feel his lips touching hers when he kissed her body; How could she feel this so intense feelings for them if she wasn't here?

She end up on the lake Michigan where she would go every time she had to think, when confused, or sad, or just wanting a peaceful place. The wind made some leaves fall on the ground covering it in a very beautiful pattern.

Suddenly a girl comes running spreading the leaves on the floor ruining their pattern. She was smiling going in the direction of some swings some foots away from the bench Abby was.

"Lauren, be careful. Don't run near the lake."

"Okay mommy." The owner of the voice looked so much like the little girl. Their brown eyes and nose were so similar that there was no doubt they were mother and daughter. Their hair were different, while the woman were brown, those of the little girl were red clearly from the man with them.

"Melinda let's go to another doctor. Let's get a second opinion, please." Now was the man talking. "There must be another way of intervening, some experimental treatment, something…" Melinda put her hands on his cheeks making him stop talking.

"I love you Leo, you know that right?" He nods his head and closes his eyes letting a lonely tear fall down his face. She kissed Leo's cheek stopping the tear of continuing its way. "I don't want to go through all that again. I don't want to waste any more time on a hospital bed. I want to enjoy the rest of my time with you and our daughter. I don't want to loose any more time away from you both. I won't be here when she's older, so I want to be here now. To live what I can of our life together." They look deeply into each other eyes. "I won't give you two up, even if my body have giving up on me. I'm only here because of you. You are the only reason I've fought this for so long. Now I just wanna live what's left of my time. No waste."

His vision was all blur because of the tears, so was hers. He got her face between his hands and kissed her. A kiss full of passion, fear, hurt, but above all this full of love.

"I love you too baby, I'm just so scared. I don't want to loose you."

"You won't, as long as you keep me here." She put her hand on his chest feeling the

rhythmic beating of his heart.

"Daddy, come push me here." They smiled to each other and cleared they tears before going in the direction of their daughter.

Abby felt like she had just received a message. Perhaps she was just here to see them a last time. Perhaps she was here to finish something she didn't while alive. She didn't feel scared anymore. That moment Abby just wanted to go home to them; Listen to her life before the accident. Learn everything she could about them. Make sure they will be okay, so then she'd welcome death.

The wind blow on her face bring a memory to her mind.

_She was sitting in this same bench looking ahead at the lake. It was very cold but it wasn't bothering her, she had so much things in her mind that nothing distracted her, only that voice._

"_I went by your place, but I figured you might go home this way." Abby looked at him for a few seconds but then looked ahead again breathing deeply, so to gather courage to tell him about the consult._

"_I don't want everything we have to come down to this one decision." He was choosing carefully his words. He didn't want to loose her again. With or without a child he wanted her. Of course he wanted a child, especially with her, but she was enough for him. "We can get past it. You did what you had to do. It doesn't mean we can't be together." He waited for a reaction of her and got much more than he hoped for._

"_I didn't do it." After listen to him she was really sure that she had made the right decision for both of them. His words made all her fears disappear, seeing that no matter what, they would be together to overcome it. "I couldn't. I wanna keep it. I wanna us to have this babe." It was a promise. They saw it in each other eyes. They would be there for each other and for their babe, that they already loved._

She figured now that she wasn't afraid of death itself, but of leaving them here alone. She wanted to go home to tell them how much she loved them and say goodbye.


	9. Chapter 9

" Just a second Joe, I'm warming it up for you." Luka was at the kitchen finishing warming Joe's food. During bath his son had stopped crying, but now he was crying all over again. Christine in the daycare said he had been agitated and irritated all day. It was hard taking care of a child alone, even more when sometimes before sleep Joe asked for his mother. It felt like being stabbed in the heart seeing his son ask for his mother when having no clue what had happened. He was so young, what should he tell his son. Even if he knew what to say, Joe couldn't understand yet.

Suddenly the crying stopped and Luka hushed to the living room to see what had happened and there she was again. Abby was kneeled in front of Joe's playpen singing to him. He looked so peaceful and happy now, like he could see and hear her, perhaps he could. This scene brought tears to Luka's eyes, but he rapidly took them away.

"Abby, I'm glad you are back, I was afraid you wouldn't…"

"I thought about not coming back… but I couldn't go without saying goodbye from you both."

"Goodbye? No Abby, please don't go we need you. Joe needs his mother. I need…"

"No, Joe needs a mother that can hug him, kiss. Someone that can be part of his life… and you too. You need someone you can share your life with. Someone to marry you and love you for the rest of your life. I'm just a ghost now…"

"We can fix this. I'm sure of that." Luka said pleading with his eyes kneeling in front of her.

"How Luka? How? I don't even know if I'm really here, maybe I'm just part of your imagination. You're the only one that can see or hear me."

"I'm sure this is not an hallucination. I know Joe can see you too, he's been crying all day and you started singing and he calmed down." She couldn't look at him no more, so she got up and turned keeping her back to him and her eyes looking at the darkness outside. Clouds were filling the sky and it wouldn't be long until started raining. "I got in touch with a doctor, the same guy that took care of doctor Green. He is coming to take a look at your state, he is the best neurologist in the US, maybe he can do something for us. Therefore don't give up, at least not yet." She felt a tear going down her face. A tear she didn't even knew she was holding up. She tried to clean her face, but more and more tears started to go down. It was impossible to control, she felt a pain that started in her heart, that beat hard, and went deeper and deeper in her soul.

Abby turned to face luka and that same pain could be seem in his blue eyes. That same tears were going down his face. She looked deeply at him still kneeled on the floor. Suddenly she felt the urge to stop his tears, to take his pain away, to kiss that now wet lips. Abby went closer to him and put her hand in the direction of his face to care it carefully. For a second Luka thought he could feel her hand on his face and closed his eyes loving that simple act, but it was just a second then her hand went through his body. Opening his eyes he could see her frustration while she got up again.

"He must be hungry, go take his food." She was again there. Facing the darkness outside, watching the first drops of the rain hit the ground.

"So you're staying right? Just give me one chance to help you…please." A thunder sounded outside and the rain started to come down hard. She sighted. Defeated. She couldn't deny him that. She couldn't deny it to herself. One last chance, maybe something could work. At least she would have a little more time to learn about her life. About them. It was a last chance to love them .

"I'm staying, but a have two conditions…" She turned and faced him smiling lightly.

"Anything, Abby. Anything…"

"First, if it doesn't work you'll find someone to share your life with. Someone who loves you and that you love back." Luka opened his mouth to say something, but one look of her made him give up. "Second, I want you to tell me everything…about you, Joe, me, our lives…. Everything." Joe started to weep feeling left out of the conversation.

"I would be more than happy to relive everything with you. Let me just feed and put Joe to bed. Would you sing to him?" A nod with the most beautiful smile Luka had ever seem were her answer.

Under that tree across the street I watched their family reunion. The rain was very cold, but It didn't make me feel cold, because I could feel my heart pumping that warm liquid to all my body, protecting me from the cold. It was a very strange feeling, this heat, I guess that has to do with the fact that lived all my time without it. 'Lived' that's a total dumb expression for me to use. It wasn't a life, because I didn't feel a thing. I just wondered around doing this thing that I do. Bringing suffering and also taking it away. It always depended on the person and the situation. Not that I would make a difference between them or feel it anyway. However, somehow after she touched me, I could sense this difference and I would dare to say feel it.

Now, under this rain listening to the howling wind I made a total different sense of things. On the old days the weather wouldn't matter to me, on my cold body it had no effect. In this moment the wind was making me shiver. Not of coldness, but because when it hit my skin I could feel it refreshing it. I breathed deeply and it filled my lungs cleansing my whole self.

I looked around and there was no one on sight, but I didn't feel alone. I never knew what was like to not be alone, but now I could feel the nature and it was like I had something more. Something I could feel, besides coldness.

I looked up letting the drops of rain hit my face and suddenly I felt an urge to laugh. It was incontrollable. A smile crept in my face and a laughed loudly without stop. What is it? I kept thinking. Maybe this was happiness? Happiness for not feeling alone for the first time?


End file.
